Before reading this, make sure you WATCH this
Listen to: Cut Copy- Hearts on Fire
What inspired me to actually have the courage to write this was a phone call I received from my friend earlier today. She probably will detest the fact that I've decided to use her story as an allegory, but oh well this is what she gets for being stubborn and not letting me reach out to her sadness. I really hope she reads this, for words are really the most powerful weapon to mankind. But this isn't just about her, this is about those people who complain it pours the hardest on them and that they are not worthy of such a fate, while truth be told, it is they that insist on walking under the cloud. Now, before I come off as some know-it-all self-righteous smug bitch, I would actually like to think I know what I'm talking about, and that I have been in the camp of those who view the glass as half empty for too damn long. Frankly I wouldn't have had the incentive to be a "happy camper" if it wasn't for a particular incident that changed my perspective.
About three weeks ago, I was going through some hard shit as usual and of course when Majdoline is going through shit the entire household has to join in a lament with her. As usual, my dear mother was lecturing me on Emotional Intelligence, and as usual I wouldn't have any of it. In retrospect, I now realize I used to always obstinately refuse my mom's advice, cry my sorry eyes out, and add the melodramatic exit phrase "You don't know what it's like to be me. You haven't gone through what I've been through *exit*". Much to my surprise and dismay, my said friend was behaving in the same exact manner. Hence, the uncontrollable sudden urge to blog about this big revelation I've had. So on that day, I was crying away to her in the living room and then I took a break and walked into the kitchen to stuff my face with some comfort food. At that moment my 16-year-old brother,who is just a hormonal bundle of teenage angst, came into the kitchen. Upon seeing me in that state, he burst into laughter (I did not expect his reaction to be any different) He turned to me and said very plainly, very sardonically " Majdoline, you're pathetic". For some reason, this sarcastic statement from a teenager with acne and an afro hit a little too close to home and unleashed the waterworks even harder. Thankfully, however, he did not relent and added:" You notice how every stupid little thing that happens to you, you go crying to mom about it, and then I have to hear about it from her, and then you stay in bed all day and you stuff your face with food because you think that's going to help...You know what? I'm more mature than you. Did you even know that all my friends haven't been talking to me for two weeks now because we got into a fight and look at me..do you see me acting like a homeless person bawling my eyes out? Do I look like I give a shit?..." Now I don't exactly remember his entire reproachful monologue but it was what he ended it with that really struck a sensitive nerve, and which I stayed up thinking about later that night. As he walked out of the kitchen with his dinner, he paused, and looked at the corner where I was slouching and said:" You're a living proof of why men will always be better than women. You're a loser." and he left. Just like that. And I stared back in his direction long after he was gone, with my head cocked to one side and my jaw semi-dropped. Bader, is that you? I was scarred by his words yet healed. I was traumatized yet mesmerized. I was indignant yet grateful. Who knew that getting bullied by a 16-year-old was going to be the end of the old me. I hadn't noticed it up until now, but I guess that was the night the real transformation happened. It was the night the brand new kind of me was born.
Lately, I've been acting as a psychiatrist to many troubled and distressed people, since apparently I have acquired the reputation of a "good listener", and all throughout their complaints I always hear how hard change is, how they can't just open a new page all of a sudden without the memories coming back to haunt them. Some of them actually want the painful memories to linger. They keep thinking of "good change" as this huge feat that requires great effort and endurance and which can't be attained overnight. Well guess what: You're wrong and pathetic, and what you're reading now is a testament that overnight change is not only possible, but successful and extraordinary. After that fateful conversation with my brother, a much needed radical change happened to me and it was effective from the very next day. It's been about three weeks now, and I've accomplished so much! I downloaded more cheery-up music ( like this mind-blowing tune!) and deleted the depressing emo crap. I was jogging on a daily basis. I joined a Zumba class which I now look forward to every Monday and Thursday more than anything. I cut the weed out of my life, un-followed the negative and suicidal people from Twitter and Tumblr, and subscribed to more fitness and motivational blogs. I began reading a lot about Taoist and Sufi philosophy and implementing it in my daily life. I became more extroverted, started meeting new people, and became more intimate with individuals who turned out to have the same sense of humor and mentality. Not only did these actions bring positive and effective change into my life, but they also reshaped it in terms of spirituality and selflessness. I became more inclined to offer a helping hand, to listen, to advise, to care, to motivate, to support, and that just strengthened me even more. I derive my self-fulfillment and pleasure from that... Seriously, I mean how many people can really say "I made someone smile today"? Did you ever take time to think about that? What if I promised you that in making this mission your goal from now on, everything else will fall into place? Because for me, everything did indeed. Adopting this as my daily cause completed the cycle of fulfillment and happiness.
So I guess this is what I wanted my said friend to know, and anyone else who might be in the same predicament for that matter. Whether your parents are forcing you to transfer to a university back home, or someone has made you lose faith in love and trust, or your friends won't talk to you, or society has alienated you and classified you as eccentric, or your jeans won't fit anymore, and well I could list all the triggers that can piss all over your view of the world but still NONE OF IT MATTERS! Why? Because in all these circumstances you're basically turning over your fate and your emotional state to someone else. You are literally allowing another person/thing/circumstance decide whether you can be happy or not, when YOU truly are the only person to decide that. Get out of your dirty pjs, go shower, quit smoking, put on your sneakers and run like Forrest Gump, donate blood, intern at an art museum, do yoga at the park, teach someone how to do maths, dress up and go to a bar or a club and don't drink ( or get plastered, whichever is your preference, you know) just to prove that you can, take a surrealist painting class or writing workshop and pay an absurd sum of money to have a middle-aged white guy tell you how to write a topic sentence. Just Carpe Diem the shit out of this thing called life and victory will be yours! Ultimately, you will stand over and look down upon the faces of pain and sadness, and you shall feel nothing at all because you are a gorgeous human being. And because you're just so beautiful when you smile. You see, the universe is not outside of you, but rather the universe is concentrated within you. Take a look around, then reflect on your inner-self. You ARE the universe embodied. Everything your heart desires is what you already are! You're the only one with all the answers to your own questions. Have you ever heard of anyone who was indifferent and all like "yea yea whatever" towards the fact that their house/land might be sitting on top of a hidden treasure? On the contrary, they get super crazy and excited about finding it even if it completely depletes them of energy. THAT IS YOU! Your own brilliance and excellence is a treasure that must be dug up with patience and persistence from the abysmal hollows of your soul. Go absolutely crazy in your hunt for the treasure! Be passionate and articulate and outspoken and confident and flirtatious and kinky and intelligent and bold and simply amazing and rejoice plenty! Once you do that, you'll soon realize nothing is missing, and in that definitive moment, the entire world is yours.
What inspired me to actually have the courage to write this was a phone call I received from my friend earlier today. She probably will detest the fact that I've decided to use her story as an allegory, but oh well this is what she gets for being stubborn and not letting me reach out to her sadness. I really hope she reads this, for words are really the most powerful weapon to mankind. But this isn't just about her, this is about those people who complain it pours the hardest on them and that they are not worthy of such a fate, while truth be told, it is they that insist on walking under the cloud. Now, before I come off as some know-it-all self-righteous smug bitch, I would actually like to think I know what I'm talking about, and that I have been in the camp of those who view the glass as half empty for too damn long. Frankly I wouldn't have had the incentive to be a "happy camper" if it wasn't for a particular incident that changed my perspective.
About three weeks ago, I was going through some hard shit as usual and of course when Majdoline is going through shit the entire household has to join in a lament with her. As usual, my dear mother was lecturing me on Emotional Intelligence, and as usual I wouldn't have any of it. In retrospect, I now realize I used to always obstinately refuse my mom's advice, cry my sorry eyes out, and add the melodramatic exit phrase "You don't know what it's like to be me. You haven't gone through what I've been through *exit*". Much to my surprise and dismay, my said friend was behaving in the same exact manner. Hence, the uncontrollable sudden urge to blog about this big revelation I've had. So on that day, I was crying away to her in the living room and then I took a break and walked into the kitchen to stuff my face with some comfort food. At that moment my 16-year-old brother,who is just a hormonal bundle of teenage angst, came into the kitchen. Upon seeing me in that state, he burst into laughter (I did not expect his reaction to be any different) He turned to me and said very plainly, very sardonically " Majdoline, you're pathetic". For some reason, this sarcastic statement from a teenager with acne and an afro hit a little too close to home and unleashed the waterworks even harder. Thankfully, however, he did not relent and added:" You notice how every stupid little thing that happens to you, you go crying to mom about it, and then I have to hear about it from her, and then you stay in bed all day and you stuff your face with food because you think that's going to help...You know what? I'm more mature than you. Did you even know that all my friends haven't been talking to me for two weeks now because we got into a fight and look at me..do you see me acting like a homeless person bawling my eyes out? Do I look like I give a shit?..." Now I don't exactly remember his entire reproachful monologue but it was what he ended it with that really struck a sensitive nerve, and which I stayed up thinking about later that night. As he walked out of the kitchen with his dinner, he paused, and looked at the corner where I was slouching and said:" You're a living proof of why men will always be better than women. You're a loser." and he left. Just like that. And I stared back in his direction long after he was gone, with my head cocked to one side and my jaw semi-dropped. Bader, is that you? I was scarred by his words yet healed. I was traumatized yet mesmerized. I was indignant yet grateful. Who knew that getting bullied by a 16-year-old was going to be the end of the old me. I hadn't noticed it up until now, but I guess that was the night the real transformation happened. It was the night the brand new kind of me was born.
Lately, I've been acting as a psychiatrist to many troubled and distressed people, since apparently I have acquired the reputation of a "good listener", and all throughout their complaints I always hear how hard change is, how they can't just open a new page all of a sudden without the memories coming back to haunt them. Some of them actually want the painful memories to linger. They keep thinking of "good change" as this huge feat that requires great effort and endurance and which can't be attained overnight. Well guess what: You're wrong and pathetic, and what you're reading now is a testament that overnight change is not only possible, but successful and extraordinary. After that fateful conversation with my brother, a much needed radical change happened to me and it was effective from the very next day. It's been about three weeks now, and I've accomplished so much! I downloaded more cheery-up music ( like this mind-blowing tune!) and deleted the depressing emo crap. I was jogging on a daily basis. I joined a Zumba class which I now look forward to every Monday and Thursday more than anything. I cut the weed out of my life, un-followed the negative and suicidal people from Twitter and Tumblr, and subscribed to more fitness and motivational blogs. I began reading a lot about Taoist and Sufi philosophy and implementing it in my daily life. I became more extroverted, started meeting new people, and became more intimate with individuals who turned out to have the same sense of humor and mentality. Not only did these actions bring positive and effective change into my life, but they also reshaped it in terms of spirituality and selflessness. I became more inclined to offer a helping hand, to listen, to advise, to care, to motivate, to support, and that just strengthened me even more. I derive my self-fulfillment and pleasure from that... Seriously, I mean how many people can really say "I made someone smile today"? Did you ever take time to think about that? What if I promised you that in making this mission your goal from now on, everything else will fall into place? Because for me, everything did indeed. Adopting this as my daily cause completed the cycle of fulfillment and happiness.
So I guess this is what I wanted my said friend to know, and anyone else who might be in the same predicament for that matter. Whether your parents are forcing you to transfer to a university back home, or someone has made you lose faith in love and trust, or your friends won't talk to you, or society has alienated you and classified you as eccentric, or your jeans won't fit anymore, and well I could list all the triggers that can piss all over your view of the world but still NONE OF IT MATTERS! Why? Because in all these circumstances you're basically turning over your fate and your emotional state to someone else. You are literally allowing another person/thing/circumstance decide whether you can be happy or not, when YOU truly are the only person to decide that. Get out of your dirty pjs, go shower, quit smoking, put on your sneakers and run like Forrest Gump, donate blood, intern at an art museum, do yoga at the park, teach someone how to do maths, dress up and go to a bar or a club and don't drink ( or get plastered, whichever is your preference, you know) just to prove that you can, take a surrealist painting class or writing workshop and pay an absurd sum of money to have a middle-aged white guy tell you how to write a topic sentence. Just Carpe Diem the shit out of this thing called life and victory will be yours! Ultimately, you will stand over and look down upon the faces of pain and sadness, and you shall feel nothing at all because you are a gorgeous human being. And because you're just so beautiful when you smile. You see, the universe is not outside of you, but rather the universe is concentrated within you. Take a look around, then reflect on your inner-self. You ARE the universe embodied. Everything your heart desires is what you already are! You're the only one with all the answers to your own questions. Have you ever heard of anyone who was indifferent and all like "yea yea whatever" towards the fact that their house/land might be sitting on top of a hidden treasure? On the contrary, they get super crazy and excited about finding it even if it completely depletes them of energy. THAT IS YOU! Your own brilliance and excellence is a treasure that must be dug up with patience and persistence from the abysmal hollows of your soul. Go absolutely crazy in your hunt for the treasure! Be passionate and articulate and outspoken and confident and flirtatious and kinky and intelligent and bold and simply amazing and rejoice plenty! Once you do that, you'll soon realize nothing is missing, and in that definitive moment, the entire world is yours.
No comments:
Post a Comment